Confessions Of The Heart : Kaname x Shun
by Jannasaur
Summary: Shun doesn't know it yet, but he has already fallen in love with Kaname. Rated M for Shounen-ai and Yaoi. Lemons for later chapters. Inspired by 'Noisy Medicine'
1. Part I

Author: Jannasaur

Genre(s): Friendship / Romance

Fandom: Kimi To Boku 君と僕。  
>Characters (pairing): Kaname Tsukahara x Shun Matsuoka<p>

Summary:  
>Shun doesn't know it yet, but he has already fallen in love with Kaname. Some what based on Noisy Medicine. Or, greatly inspired by Noisy Medicine.<p>

Warning; Rated for:  
>Shounen-ai, Yaoi (MaleMale), Slash and Shipping Pairings  
>For future chapters; Rated M for: Lemons (Sex)<p>

Disclaimer; I don't own Kimi To Boku 君と僕 nor its characters. All rights belong to Kiichi Hotta© I make no money from this.

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><p>Confessions Of The Heart<p>

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><p>It was the second day in which Kaname-kun had not been to school, and after our visit to his house the other day, I was sure he looked better by the time we had left.<br>I stopped by the convenience store, and picked up some herbal tea and sweets before heading towards Kaname-kun's house. Only this time, I was alone, without the company of Yuki, Yuta and Chizuru. Perhaps Kaname-kun would appreciate that fact.

I reached Kaname-kun's home, rang the bell once and waited. I waited for a while, longer than I had expected to wait, but it was not long before the door was slowly opened.

"Shun?" Said the familiar voice, for it was Kaname himself stood by the door.

"Kaname-kun? What are you doing out of bed, you should be resting."

Kaname-kun opened the door fully this time, giving me enough space to enter and take my shoes off.

"My mom had to go shopping for dinner, so she left me at home."

"Oh," was my simple reply, for what else could be said to that.

Without me having to think of a good reply, or more-or-less something to add on to my 'oh', Kaname-kun spoke. "Where is everyone else?"

"Oh, I came alone… Is that okay?" Maybe coming to Kaname-kun's home by myself was a bad idea.

"Yes, it's fine. In fact, it's better without them here." Kaname sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose then he stopped and stared right at me. "Why are here anyway, Shun?"

"…urm, you weren't in school today so, I thought I would come and see if you were okay…" I stuttered in response, wondering if I **really** should have come by at all. Was there something suspicious about my visit?

"Oh, I see. Thank you, Shun." Kaname turned around, as if heading up the stairs before turning back round to face me. What did you get from the convenience store?"

I suddenly remembered. "Oh! I bought you some herbal tea, and candy. I thought it could make you feel better." I answered with a smile.

Kaname-kun's eyes closed, and he smiled a soft smile. "Thank you Shun, but you didn't need to go through the trouble."

He looked at me again, with warm eyes, and there was something awfully different about the way Kaname-kun was acting. But he wasn't the only one who seemed different today, for when he looked at me with such gentle eyes, I felt my body shiver and my cheeks burning.

I didn't say anything after that. Kaname-kun and I walked into his kitchen so I could prepare the tea, while Kaname-kun stood beside me rummaging through the candy I had bought.

"You really like peaches, don't you, Shun?" He asked, holding one of the peach-drops between his index finger and thumb.

I nodded, pouring the hot water into two empty cups.

"I wonder if you taste like peaches too…" Kaname-kun mumbled, but I was concentrating on getting the water levels in each cup even, that I wondered if I was just hearing things. And I assumed that I had, for why would Kaname even say such a thing? I was over-come by a sudden shyness at that point, and to be blunt, I didn't quite understand why I had. But once I had mixed the herbs from within the tea bags and water together, I was okay again. It was just upon hearing what Kaname-kun had said, that made me feel something funny inside.

Once I had made the tea, we went upstairs to Kaname's bedroom, and sat down on the floor. It was quiet, and though we are usually okay with the quiet between us, I felt as though today, the silence was unsettling.  
>So I kept my eyes on the tea, blowing on the liquid before sipping it slowly. Kaname-kun drank his own tea as I was, yet I was tempted to peek up at him every so often to watch him slip back his cup to drink a little more. What was fascinating about watching Kaname drink his tea, I do not know. But I just could not control myself, or my eyes from doing so. Eventually, Kaname-kun stopped drinking his tea and set it down, looking right at me.<br>My cheeks felt suddenly hotter, and after all this time of trying to prevent myself from watching Kaname, my eyes had just now decided to look away in anxiety.

"Are you okay, Shun?" He asked me.

"Yes, thank you." I replied, slowly lowering my cup of tea, and trying to keep my gaze from Kaname's. I wasn't sure if I completely fine though. I felt funny, ill perhaps. My stomach felt as if it was doing summer salts, and my heart was pounding in my chest. "Actually Kaname-kun, I think I might be unwell." I confessed, holding my right hand up to my forehead to check for a fever.

"Really?" Kaname replied, sounding terribly worried.

I nodded, and suddenly felt weirder when I felt Kaname-kun's cool hand against my forehead as he checked for signs of a fever.

"You do feel hot," he said slowly, pressing the palm of his hand against my forehead a little harder. "Your cheeks are all red, too."

"Maybe I have a cold," I replied lazily, for I was beginning to feel light headed with Kaname so close. I could feel his warm breathe against my face and his soft hand on my head, and by now my heart was racing so fast that I almost felt physically sick.

Kaname slowly removed his hand from my skin and backed up just a little. He looked at me, with his eyes full of concern. "Shun, you look like you're going to faint!" He said, with a tone of worry washing through the sound of his voice. Then he said, "you should go home." And he looked very sad when he said this.

I nodded, and remained where I sat on the floor while Kaname reached into my bag for my cell phone to call my parents. Kaname stayed close by the whole time, and when his mom returned home, my parents were here to pick me up. I thanked Kaname, and apologized for being such a burden. But he just smiled, and reassured me that it was okay.

When I got home, I suddenly felt better. I didn't even know why I had felt so weak in the first place. One minute I was fine, and the next, I was on the verge of fainting, or possibly being sick! I felt terrible for being such a bother at Kaname-kun's home, after all I went there to help Kaname-kun feel better, but instead he ended up having to call my parents because I felt queasy.  
>I had a long bath that evening, and went to bed early. Before going to sleep, I flipped open my phone and texted Kaname-kun.<p>

.

.

'_I'm feeling much better now. Thank you for making sure I got home safely. Sorry for causing you so much hassle. - Shun_'

.

And then I got a reply.

.

.

'_I am glad to hear you are feeling better. Don't worry, you weren't a burden. Thank you for making me tea and giving me sweets. - Kaname_'

.

The whole time until I fell asleep, I could not stop thinking about Kaname-kun and how I had caused such a scene when I went to visit him. I hoped that I didn't make too much of a fuss, and that Kaname was just being nice about it all so that my feelings wouldn't get hurt. It made me happy that he would do that, but I also felt so foolish too!

I also woke up in the morning with that same feeling; I wanted desperately to see Kaname-kun, hoping that he'd be at school today. I didn't know why I was so eager to even see him, other than the reason of missing him. Because school just didn't feel the same without Kaname-kun.

I walked to school alone. I had woken up an hour early, so I figured that it would be best if I got to school on time today. While stood at my shoe locker, putting on my school shoes, I heard a very familiar voice yelling his usual morning greeting.

"Shun-chan! Good morning!" Chizuru yelled cheerfully, for he was always this energetic early in the day. He walked towards me stood by my shoe locker, and behind him were Yuta, Yuki and Kaname.

"Good morning," I replied with a smile as I shut my locker door. I gripped to the straps on my back-pack and felt my heart pounding hard against my chest once again. The knots in my stomach swelled up, and I had to clutch at it in attempt to ease the weird sensation growing within me. I was happy to see Kaname-kun out of everyone this morning, but why was this feeling happening again? Maybe I was just tired… Yeah, that was it. I was tired. After all, I had been studying a lot for our Maths test today.

"Shun, you don't look so well." Yuki commented, leaning in on me and watching me carefully with lazy eyes.

I smiled and shrugged. "Yuki-kun, I'm okay."

"Are you sure? You weren't feeling too well yesterday." Kaname added, opening his own locker.

"Yeah…" I mumbled, feeling terribly embarrassed one again. "You're looking well today, Kaname-kun." I said cheerfully, in an attempt to steer the topic.

"Yesterday?" Yuta then said after hearing Kaname's comment. He sounded slightly surprised. After all, I didn't tell anyone I spontaneously decided to go to Kaname's house alone yesterday.

"When did you see Shun?" Yuki asked, looking over to Kaname-kun with a suspicious glint in his hazel-like eyes.

"Yes, yesterday." Kaname replied in response to Yuta. "Shun came to my house by himself. Thank God, too. At least I didn't have you all at my home, pissing me off. Oh, and I want my text books back!"

I sighed, thankful of the fact that subject was turning into that of Kaname's text books.

It wasn't long till the bell for home room rang, which meant that Yuta and I would go to our home room, while Kaname, Yuki and Chizuru went to theirs. It was almost sad that we were in separate home rooms, but why did that suddenly affect me now? I was fine being in the same home room as Yuta just the other day, and now I feel as though a part of me will be missing...

I went to home room, and while gazing out the window, I realised that my heart rate was back to normal, and that my stomach wasn't in knots anymore. Why was this, I pondered. I was absolutely fine again, now that I wasn't around Kaname-kun and the others. But whenever I saw Kaname-kun again, like the times in which we are both in the same class, my heart suddenly starts to race again, and my stomach gets all nauseous. Classes were normal, all except for the classes in which Kaname-kun was there. My heart would begin pounding in my chest again, and my face would feel hot each and every time that Kaname happened to look at me. Though whenever we parted ways, and I ended up in a class without him, I was back to normal again, yet longing to be in Kaname-kun's company again.

I felt that way again, sat on the roof at lunch while Chizuru and I waited for Yuta, Yuki and Kaname.

"Are you okay Shun? You look lost in thought."

I was lost in thought. I was befuddled at how my feelings today were all over the place, and my symptoms kept returning whenever I was in Kaname's presence. "Hm? Oh, Chizuru. Can I ask you something?"

Chizuru grinned immediately at my question, and he instantly turned from his crouching position to sit down with me on the floor with his legs crossed.

"Of course, anything! What is it Shu-chan? Are you having love problems, do you need someone to help you find a date, or is it possible that someone had confessed to you, or–"

I waved my hands in disagreement immediately, for what I wanted to ask had nothing to do with that. "Ah, Chizuru, it isn't that."

He looked at me carefully, as if he were surprised.  
>I shook my head.<p>

"Eh? It isn't… What is it, Shu-chan?"

"I've been feeling sick a lot lately," I confessed, feeling a whole assortment of emotions bubbling in my gut.

"Have you got a cold, Shu-chan? Do you need to see a doctor?"

I shook my head. "No, no. At least I don't think I do. Most of the time, I am okay. It's when I'm around Kaname that I suddenly feel… Strange."

Chizuru sat close, watching and listening to me with much interest.

"I don't know why, but my heart beats faster and harder. My whole face feels hot, especially my cheeks. And sometimes, I feel this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach, that feels like my stomach is doing summer salts and it makes me feel nauseous."

Chizuru closed his eyes and nodded knowingly. "I understand what you are saying, Shu-chan."

My eyes lit up, and widened in shock. "You do?" I exclaimed rather timidly.

He nodded again, and then sighed. "You feel sick around Kaname-kun, and when you're not close to him, you feel better. Yet, when you are apart you feel like something is missing?"

I nodded, shocked at how well Chizuru understood what I was feeling, considering the fact that I had not mentioned much. "Yes! That is exactly how I feel!"

"Do you often think about that person a lot?" He added.

"Yes, I do. What does it mean?" I asked.

He sighed again, deeper this time and closed his eyes. "It means that you are in love with Kaname-chi."

"Eh? That can't be possible." I replied. This was utter shock to me, for I had not even considered that. Kaname was my friend. I couldn't possibly be in love with him. "Are you in love, Chizuru?" I then asked curiously.

He was silent, gazing up at the sky. "Yes, I am. That is how I know that you are in love with Kaname-chi."

After that, I was silent. The idea of being in **love** with Kaname-kun was an over-whelming fact to consider. For I had never seen him as anything more than a child hood friend. Someone whom I had grown up with, and for my feelings to suddenly turn into something more than friendship, well, it was sudden.

"Who are you in love with Chizuru?" I asked quietly, as I watched his the blue sky and clouds reflected in his eyes.

"Someone I can never have." He said with a frown.

"Oh," I sighed. "It must be awful being in love with someone you can't have."

He nodded, and then lowered his eyes down to the ground. It was quiet for a moment, until Chizuru's blue eyes met with mine. "Yeah, it isn't always nice but that's the reality of love."

He looked at me with a smile on his face, but with sadness in his eyes. I was curious who it could be that Chizuru may be in love with, but I didn't want to ask him again.  
>Suddenly, Yuta, Yuki and Kaname came up onto the roof.<p>

"Sorry to keep you both waiting, but Yuki was taking too long on deciding what drink to get from the vending machine…" Kaname-kun sighed, pushing his glasses up.

"I was unsure of what drink to pick. I didn't want to make the wrong choice." Yuki stated.

"It's just a drink!" Kaname yelled, before sitting himself beside me.

At that moment, I anticipated the knots in my stomach, the racing beat of my heard and my hot cheeks. All three of these symptoms occurred, but it felt nice to feel this way, and it felt nice to be sat close to Kaname-kun. I smiled, nibbling on my food at a slow pace, careful not to eat too much, too fast so that I wouldn't feel sick due to the knots in my stomach. Then it suddenly hit me: Kaname-kun didn't love me back. Now that I loved Kaname, the realisation of it all set in me, I noticed the feeling in my heart of wanting the same from Kaname. I wanted Kaname-kun to love me back, otherwise I would be in a one-sided romance like Chizuru. Seeing how sad it made Chizuru was a foreshowing of how I would soon feel. But what did people do when they loved someone and wanted to love them back?

They confessed…

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><p>AN: There isn't any fanfics for Kaname/Shun, and I wonder why. Do people not like this pairing? For me, this is the only pairing I like from this manga/anime at the moment. I am only watching the anime right now, so to be blunt about it, I am not interested in any of the other pairings apart from Yuta/Yuki which is Twincest, (Incest) so I don't know how anyone else feels about that!

Please review, and thank you for reading!


	2. Part II

.

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><p>Confessions Of The Heart<p>

Chapter II

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><p>All of this was quick, too quick.<p>

These feelings that are mine for Kaname-kun, they're friendly. There is no hidden agenda under my affections toward him, for I merely admire Kaname. I admire him greatly, but that doesn't mean that I am_**in**_ love with him. Everything Chizuru said, yes, it was true, and he couldn't have said anything more real for me to doubt my own thoughts and feelings. If it is true, and I am in fact in love with Kaname-kun, there is no way we, or us even being together like a normal couple… and there is not a hope in chance of us being able to be open about our relationship, because we are both males. Kaname would never see me that way, nor would he want me like that.  
>Maybe I am in love with Kaname-kun, but I'm too afraid to admit it for my own feelings.<br>I don't know. It's all so confusing. The more I think about it, the more I feel sad. I don't want to feel this way; I don't want to think about Kaname-kun. Though I try to stop my mind from drifting into a soft day-dream, I always end up back to Kaname-kun. I just can't ignore this feeling.

It was now the end of lunch. We all went back to our classroom, for we now had to sit the math's test we had all been studying for this week. It was Saturday, and we would all be off tomorrow. A part of me looked forward to a day off school, but another knew that I'd miss seeing Kaname-kun.  
>We sat down at our assigned seats (as usual) and prepared ourselves for the test. Kaname was sat in front of my seat, turning around to smile warmly at me and wish us <em><strong>all<strong>_ good luck. I felt a shiver run up my spine. He looked at me as if his words were directed right at me. My eyes widened, and my cheeks must have reddened, feeling them burning terribly in contrast to the rest of my body. Kaname had never made me feel like this before, so why now? Did it mean I was gay if Kaname-kun suddenly made me feel tingly all over, and hot? There's nothing wrong with gay people, or being gay in general. The worst thing about being gay is, there is no guarantee that the person you like will share your feelings. That was what I hated the most. Kaname-kun and I are friends, but I do not want to cross that border of friendship only to be heartbroken and rejected by Kaname. If that happened we would fall out, and it'd be awkward for us to act like normal friends again, because I'd have confessed my heart out to him and Kaname-kun isn't gay so it's only natural for him to not love me back.  
>I raised a hand to the tips of my hair, and began to rub it between the pads of my index finger and thumb. When my hair was longer I looked more like a girl. Would Kaname-kun prefer me better with my long hair, or does it not matter what my hair looks like because no matter what, I am still a boy? I'm happy being male, and I'm happy that I can look pretty enough to be mistaken for as a girl, but I'd never want to actually be a girl.<p>

This wasn't a good time to dwell on my appearance, or how Kaname and I would ever work out. I had a test to concentrate on, even if it isn't a legit examination, my grades still count. I could feel the palms of my hands beginning to feel warm and damp. My hairline even felt a little moist. I had studied all week for this exam, we even stole some of Kaname's notes, and still, I was feeling nervous as ever! I couldn't concentrate. I didn't study last night either, what if I fail? What if I don't know any of the questions, and I answer them all wrong? Again and again, my mind spiralled out of control with useless questions. I had never dwelled, nor had I worried about so many things in such a terrible manner. At this rate, I will only make myself ill, and that was no good for me or my grades.

"_FOCUS, SHUN! Just. Focus__**." **_I screamed at myself in my head. I could hear the teacher's voice, explaining the rules of the exam to us, but her voice wasn't clear. It was as if I was underwater, listening to her speak. It was so low, so quiet and rather inaudible.  
>Suddenly, my hands began to shake, and my fingertips trembled. My heartbeat sped up in leaps, quickening my breaths and making it hard for me to even breathe out my nose well, as if I was dying of a heart attack. Then I realized; I was having a panic attack.<br>I started to breathe ragged breathes, short, quickened and startled. I tried to calm myself down, but no matter what, I still felt this terrible pain in my chest, as if my heart would explode at any minute. My eyes began to water, and my vision started to slowly blur out due to my lack of vision and the masses of tears that streamed down my blushing cheeks. Before I knew it, I could hear my teacher's worried voice calling out my name, and a warm, gentle and familiar hand on my shoulder.

"Shun!"

**x**

I awoke, in what felt like an hour or so later, finding myself tucked under white sheets with my blazer hung up beside me. For a moment, I wondered where I was, for only a while ago, I was sat in front of my exam papers, preparing for a much anticipated math's test. So why was I now here, in a small room very familiar to the nurse's office, lying in one of the beds wrapped up in sheets with the distant window open, letting in cool spring breeze?

"Shun," A small voice called from behind me. I froze for a moment, involuntarily for the voice sounded oh-so familiar. "I was so worried about you," they continued. "I had no idea what was happening. One minute you were fine, and the next, you were freaking and then all of a sudden, you passed out."

Oh yeah, now I remember. I had a panic attack, and usually when I have those, I tend to black out for a while due to the sudden shock reaction on my whole system. With strength, I slowly manoeuvred my body from its side position away from the window in order to turn around and face the person of who was speaking to me. I groaned with the discomfort in my temples as I rolled over in my sheets. My head always ached after these annoying black outs. When I turned over successfully, my eyes widened in utter shock at the face of whom had witnessed me during my panic attack, had worried about me and was now here with me, making sure I was okay…

"K – Kaname-kun?" I whispered in disbelief. I couldn't believe that he would come out of his exam, just to be with me.

He must not have known I was awake by the look that washed over his face as he stared back at me. His eyes were wide, behind those glasses of his, and his lips were parted, and mouth open. He stuttered a few mumbled responses at first, before gathering up his words to form coherent sentences. "Y – You're awake, Shun?" He asked, though it didn't seem much like question, but more like simple words of surprise. I answered anyway. Oh God, I could feel my cheeks getting warmer by the minute…

"Y- Y- Yeah, I guess I am." I smiled at him, and for a moment I forgot about the slight pain in my temples, before they came stinging back with more force. "_**Ow**_~!" I hissed quietly, flinching as I did.

Kaname didn't waste time in reacting. He quickly leapt to my aid. "Shun, are you okay? What's wrong? Do you need me to get a nurse?"

I bit into my lower lip, the pain wasn't _**that**_ bad. "No Kaname-kun, I'm fine, really. I just have a headache, that is all. I get them all the time after I black out."

"All the time?" He repeated. Kaname looked at me again, but this time with concern and curiosity in his eyes and voice. I tore my eyes far from his gaze. This was embarrassing, especially in front of Kaname, now that I may have strong feelings for him. We may have known each other since kinder-garten, but that doesn't mean we all have some things we don't know about the other.

I nodded very faintly, slowly steadying myself to sit up. It was obvious that Kaname thought it too soon for me to be moving about so suddenly, but I just smiled at him. "Yeah, whenever I have panic attacks, like I did in the math's exam, I usually end up passing out after it because the attack is such a sudden shock, and impact on my whole system that it just shuts down for a while… When I wake up after a black out, I usually get these horrible headaches. They're not nice, but it's not so unbearable that it'd cause me great pain."

I felt incredibly stupid for I had a panic attack over that. I sighed, but to myself in the shame and embarrassment of it all. Why did I let myself get like this? So easily affected by him...

Kaname looked at me, and then sighed. "You're so careless sometimes, Shun."

"I'm sorry." I replied in a hushed voice, lowering my head in shame.

Kaname's eyes grew closer to my own, as he leaned himself into me. He rested his hand against my forehead and stared deep in my eyes as he did so. My cheeks felt warm, scorching as I felt myself grow hot and sweaty by having him just that close. I detested myself for it. My heart beat began to race wildly, so hard and fierce I feared he too would hear it, and learn quickly of my affections towards him, and then, after finding out about how I felt for him, he would hate me. I didn't want that, I didn't want for him to hate me for it. If he didn't feel the same for me as I did him, let him forget about it, let him abandon me for it, but to hate me? I hope for it never.

Kaname looked into my eyes as if he were seeing into my soul, the very feeling of it all was so over powering I felt like I would pass out at any given moment, but that's a little over dramatic.

"You still don't look to well," he said. "You feel hot, and your cheeks are red. What's wrong? You didn't catch my flu, did you?" His eyes widened in guilt and panic. "It's my fault, then! I'm so sorry Shun."

I laughed a soft sort of laughter. "No Kaname, of course you didn't give it to me. So don't be sorry." I didn't have a cold, or flu, I was just sick with love, I think. "I just don't feel like myself much, at the moment. That's all."

But honestly, I knew it was much more than that.

.

.

**To be continued...**

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><p>AN: Such a long time for an update. Sorry, my personal life is way too busy... Hope you enjoyed the second chapter. I, myself, do not like how it turned out so much, but I thought I'd include this before the development of Shun and Kaname's relationship progressed from friendship into love. Thank you for reading. :)


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